(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

Birth and Death of Count Flatula!

I have this 'thing' when I ride a bike, I hate to chew. My heart rate spikes, I gag on the food, I ruin my momentum, it totally bites. Anyway, so I'm trying to dial in all my nutrition for B2B. I've been using the Infinit sprint formula for shorterish stuff. So I thought I'd try their protein and sodium rich beverage to give me 'more' for my longer ride. Seems logical. The taste was pretty good and not so protein-Y like some of the others can be. It did taste salty but whatever. AS SOON as I stopped riding my bike, OMG, gas pains, gut pains, doubled over leaning on my car. OMG, this hurts, if ONLY I could....ppfffffttttttt. A little relief from the eye watering pain in my guts, brrrrriiippp, oh yeah, a little better even, mwwwaaahhh, oh thank gawd. Great I feel better BUT I could NOT have started a 13.1 mile run at this point. After my nearly perfect ride, Count Flatula arrived, yes, I was bitten by Count Flatula and it did NOT stop for, for, MANY HOURS. I totally gassed hubs out of the house and the bonus room - forget it, you couldn't even go in there. He turned a fan right on me to dissipate my stank. For all you LADIES out there, there was no stopping it, there was no running to the other room or to the restroom because it was about every 10 minutes and it was eye watering. I could not protect the innocent. The dogs like the stink but hubs wasn't so happy. Every 10 minutes was an exchange like this - brrrrippp, ppfffttttt, sorry, jebuscheerist Mis, WTF? That went on for hours.

I think Count Flatula is finally dead, for now. But NOW, I have some work to do. I may try CarboPro1200 again, it's made in Canada, eh, and you know those guys just lurve us. I only tried it once before with success. It was too close to race day last year so I was afraid to race with it. It's not the cheapest thing so I can't use it all the time. It's a little cost prohibitive. What I need is a food-y product, not a drink. I gots drinks, I need food-y that I don't have to chew. No chewing, no gummy block things either. I don't care if I can't stomach another gel by the end of the race. It won't matter because I won't have to for a lllonnng time. I MAY give another formula a try or even create my own - that's the beauty of Inifinit, you can make your own recipe.

P.S. Count Flatula is a character on the Bob and Tom Show. I borrowed him for the purpose of this exercise...and I'm glad he's gone. Ryan is too!

N 35° 51.579 W 086° 21.730

If you bet that I would get it 'all' done by kick off of the Titans game on Sunday, you're...mostly right. I think was about 20 minutes late but thanks to Mr. DVR, I didn't miss a thing. I blame it on my stop at Steak and Shake for some good ole recovery food. Hubs needed it so I had to oblige. ANYWAY, brickin it on Saturday, totally uneventful. A 1:15 trainer ride (barforama, way too wet here) and a three mile run just when the sun came out and got real nice and sticky. Sunday - four hour ride on tap. I'm so sick of my usual routes so I drove out (hate to do it) to one of my old Ironman training routes. It is actually in the Middle of Tennessee. I pass the monument within the first few miles. This was to be a four hour, zone 2 ride. I think I was a little short of four but did a nice round number, in miles, at 70 with an 18.4 average. I was perfectly pleased with that. It's not often that I end a ride of that length and think - I could go longer, I don't WANT to, but I easily could. I felt strong and ready to roll. I did NOT, however, run afterwards. Instead, I opted to hurry the hell home for the sucktastic football game. Hubs is so pissed at the Titans right now, it ruined his whole day. But I digress.

Things I thought about or saw on my 4ish hour bike ride, solo....

• My neck hurts.
• My cooter hurts.
• Ignore the neck.
• Ignore the cooter pain.
• I dreamt about Mom the other nite. She just showed up but didn't talk, never does.

• They could totally bury a body over there and NO ONE would know.
• Would they stick me over there if they caught me?
• Work hard, but not too hard, zone 2.
• I didn't wear my HRM.
• This fog is sketchy but I have to get back for the football game.
• This burn on my arm hurts on these aerobars.
• My cooter hurts.
• I don't like to chew while riding a bike.
• Chewing and riding a bike is hard - gel and fluids are OK by me.
• GawdDaYum that dog is fast and he's the silent kind too. Bark at me next time you shithead.
• My HR was zone 5 fo sho.
• I wonder if I could live on a farm?
• Are we there yet?
• Do you think the redneck sitting at the gas station with his buddies and a University of Tennessee tattoo on his leg actually went to UT? Yeah, me neither but I bet he bleeds orange.
• This headwind blows.

I'm sure there was so much more rolling around for all that time. All in all, a good ride. This week will prove to be challenging as well. Whateves, getting closer to 11/7/09. Congrats to all the Augusta peeps! Sounds like some kind of swim!

Friday Mind Dump

This is my 268th post! Weird, I know. I thought it would die after Ironman was over.

This weekend is Augusta 70.3, best of luck and my hope for you is clear skies. My grass is covered in mushrooms is so wet here.

This weekend is the 24 Hour Tri in Colorado that I want to do next year.

I set an alarm for 4 AND 4:15 but I don't really get up until I hear the coffee maker downstairs buzz to say it's ready.

I saw a very large man being arrested. He was handcuffed, sitting on his riding mower that was on a trailer he was pulling with his truck. He was fat and shirtless. It was the weirdest thing all week.

I saw a guy with huge moobs running. He really needed a bra, I felt bad for him.

I saw a lady that needed a new bra, running. She should know better.

Do people think cat calls while you're running really work? What would they do if you stopped, turned around and said, Let's GO, Right NOW? Would they cry and run away scared?

Equally as weird as the guy vacuuming his car at 4am, is the guy washing his car while it's raining (pouring). What can't wait for a dry day?

For this week, I have left - one swim (on my way right now), a 4 hour bike and a baby bike/run brick. ALL before football kickoff on Sunday at noon. Will I make it? Place your bets and if it's raining, I'm NOT getting on a trainer for 4 hours because you can't make me.

Totally Thoughtless Thursday

For the first time, in a long time, I MISSED Wordless Wednesday. I was very thoughtless and totally consumed in my own hell of paint fumes, paint tape, burning skin (light bulbs are hot! sonofabitch) and red walls. I look like I murdered someone with red paint all dried up everywheres on my body. Oh, yeah, got totally caught up in painting the ceiling and forgot to take out my contacts...until I couldn't SEE any longer. I'm sure THAT is good for the ole eyes, I tell ya. What a moron! Oh well, I was anxious. It's almost there. I know you can't WAIT to see the pictures of my dining room - converted into a bike room. Who needs a dining room any way? Now a bike room, that's something I can use for crying out loud. It's going to look great...except for the leaky ceiling I discovered when starting to paint, you can't paint when it's wet. sonofabitchagain. I'm painting around it and will figure it out later. I had the time right now and right now it is.

BESIDES my painting hell, I would like to thank everyone in their support of the Power of Poop. Yes, it IS good to have statistics to PROVE the Power of Poop. We all know it exists and now, you can write your thesis on it! Our next topic of discussion will be the Cleanliness of the Caramel Apple - this will be discussed at a later date but suffice it to say, it's a little bit of torture, hot wax, ripping, OUCH.

Poopy run in the books, ran some hill repeats and gagged and a bunch of swimming - uh, I would really like to ride a bike soon MOTHER FREAKIN NATURE. Drought my ass!

Power of Poop

Yes, runners and triathletes like nothing more than to talk about their poop habits - during training, racing, anytime, really. You guessed it, I'm NO exception. However, I actually have stats to prove the power of poop. I pride myself in starting 99% of my workouts empty. I usually wait-out my colon before I leave on a long ride, run, or brick. I prefer not to poop in the neighbors yard, if I can help it. Anyway, Monday, I decided to do my long run. It's all about dodging storms around here. I have my coffee and a little food, nothing, nothing big and important, not my normal morning constitution that I'm used to but I figure it was good enough to get moving.

Commence running...and here's how the splits and conversation in my head goes (I don't listen to music so it's just the voices in my head)...I don't usually post my splits because I don't really think people care but these are important for the purpose of the Power of Poop.

Mile 1 - 9:29 - this is OK, just getting warmed up after a recovery week. BUT it feels really hard.
Mile 2 - 9:49 - crap, OK, legs, please turn over, please, I was so nice to you last week, why won't you help me today?
Mile 3 - 9:46 - daYum it, legs and brain are disconnected. I want to go faster but just CAN'T. Should I just go home and try again another day?
Mile 4 - 9:31 - stoooopid pace alarms on my watch keep going off, speed up, speed up, it's yelling at me. Shut the hell up, garmin. I turn off my pace alarms and relegate myself to this pace.
Mile 5 - 10:26 - it's OK, I did walk for a little bit, ate a gel, tried to pull my head back together and just run a comfortable, not strained pace.
Mile 6 - 9:33 - I can live with this.
Mile 6.5 - commence guts rolling. Mmmm, toilet, where is there a toilet? I actually find an honest to goodness working toilet with toilet paper and a sink that works. Niceeee. I'll spare the gory details but this is what I was looking for BEFORE I started this run. OMG, I ran out of that bathroom like a dog that peels out after taking a dump in the yard? That was ME. Do all dogs do that, crap and then start running? Weird. Anyway, I ran out of that bathroom like, like, like I just lost two pounds and am feeling like a champ.
Mile 7 - 9:07 - Yep, poop was holding me down.
Mile 8 - 8:53 - This was not a fluke.
Mile 9 - 9:13 - This included a pause to eat something, YES!
Mile 10 - 8:46 - Only two more, stay strong, poopmeister.
Mile 11 - 8:27 - No dumb poop is going to keep me down.
Mile 12 - 8:59 - Lots of turning and pausing, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

In the end, a fine run but it just goes to prove what we already know, you gotta poop before you head out or your performance will suffer. Too bad my colon isn't like my dog's - eat and then at the door to 'empty.' It would just be so convenient if you could poop on command?

Recovery RULEZ to live by

Do NOT get up before 6:00am to workout - sleep in. Next week it's back to big volume, 4:00am will be here soon enough.

'Make-up' workouts can be scheduled at ANY time. If no one is meeting you at the pool, they won't know you weren't there, right?

Be flexible. If the fam wants to do something with you in lieu of your short run, put the short run off for another day. Maximize your time with them while you have it.

If you get rained out from your group ride, stay with your group (they need your support), just go get beer instead and food if necessary.

Clean the house, it may not get done for another three weeks or so. AT LEAST until your next recovery week.

Swallow your pride and use the week as recovery - you don't need to PROVE anything to the fat guys smoking in their cars as you run down the road. If you're supposed to be zone 2, stay zone 2.

Watch disgusting amounts of TV while you can, including a series marathon of ANY kind. My arse was meant for a sofa...stupid bike seat.

Good luck to anyone racing! I hope you're dry, I'm drowning in it over here.

Go Michigan State! Go Titans!

Training, mmm?

Recovery week in full affect:

Monday - arse firmly planted on sofa for Monday Night Football...I can't believe the Bills just handed that game over.

Tuesday - regular nite ride on tap. Um, yeah, rain, rain and more rain. OK, let's go get beers instead. CHECK, beers with friends instead. No worries, I say, I can still pack everything in.

Wednesday - short run, 3ish miles at ihavenoidea pace, running from the storm. Swim, there was a bunch of other stuff but 40 x 50's??? Yep, hard to keep count, as you might imagine.

Thursday - bike, rain or shine, trainer or outside. I loathe the trainer.

More workouts on tap, don't want to lose my edge. I am starting to get edgy about B2B. I guess I'm just feeling ready and I want to DO IT already. Oh well. A few more solid weeks of training will only make me better, right?

In dog news...

Grandma, aka Kasha, is well, old. She's adapting to not feeling her hind legs. She just doesn't know they're there. I'm truly going to bust my arse one of these days carrying her down the steps. I'm not that graceful.


Magnus and his cone are fine. Came through his ulcerated eye biz with flying colors. EXCEPT, now we have a sideways dog. This picture doesn't do him justice because it just looks like he's being cute with his head cocked to the side. Nope, that's how it is ALL the time. There's an old dog inner ear fluid imbalance issue he's got going on so everything he does - to the left. Gawd bless these hounds, I swear. It's supposed to just pass in about a week. I surely hope so. Who wants a dog that can only turn left, kinda like NASCAR.

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

And the angels sang...

WHY, you ask?! Because it's recovery week - cue angels flying out of my coaches butt. Yep, recovery week, no ride over two hours, no run over one hour, ahhhh! How I love it so. I look so forward to these weeks because I'm in the thick of things and this is just the extra rest that need. I lerve me some sleep, and food, an sleep. I intend to catch up on both.

This weekend was a 3:45ish bike ride in the country. I ventured down a couple of roads that I frequently pass but never go down. Think - Deliverance, seriously, banjo's and all. I'm mostly freaked out by a random pack of dogs and the guy who wants to keep me alive in his well. Seriously, these are the things that run through my brain. Thankfully, neither happened (you would be so sad if I wasn't here). I DID, however, see a 12 year old smoking in the truck with his dad. I'm sure it was his dad, it had to be. Maybe he was 15 MAX but smoking...with his dad. Yep, believe it. That was the weirdest thing I saw. I'm still on my quest for the wild dingo. An uneventful swim and my long run proved to be an interesting combo since I ran first and swam second - sometimes, you just have to do what you can with the time you have and that's how it worked out for me. I'll spare you the details of both, since you really don't care, but I DID forget a change of clothes and had to drive home in my bathing suit. If only a cop had stopped me for speeding. Ah, yes, now where IS my license anyway?

It all ended with hill repeats. Sunday was the day for hill repeats. In the South, you must be very careful on Sunday mornings because many preachers are driving to their services LATE and practicing in their cars. I am certain that there were two cars that never even saw me. C'mon, how can you miss me, I'm traveling up hill at a stellar 6 mph. I was just this side of rolling backwards. Coaches orders, all seated, no standing. This bitch of a hill STARTS at an 8% grade and only goes up from there. My little chain ring got a workout, that's fo sho. Grind em til you find em.

And THAT is the weekend in review. Oh, lots of football, lots and lots of football - it was great. Bummed about the Titans loss but it was a great game, regardless.

Now, to catch up on blogs and sleep and chores...

Weird Ass Workouts!

This week is freakin full of weird ass workouts. Now, I don't mind doing some different kind of stuff, even some hill repeats, even a different stroke in the pool BUT PUHLEEEZE give it to me in even numbers. I'm an engineer and everything has to even. I don't want to swim any stinkin 75's, 75's, WTF is a 75? It's 25 short of a nice even 100 is what it is. EVEN WORSE, 40 x 25 pull DPS on Wednesday nite. OK, can't even keep track of that many and 25, now that's short by 75 for crying out loud. Nice even numbers people.

That's not even the end of it. Track - on tap 9 x 600. Yep, I know you're feeling me now. I think I'd rather do 10 just to be even. What is that anyway, 1 1/2 times around the track? Too weird, I don't even know. I need people to tell me what to do the track - I never ran track and I don't know what all the lines on there mean other than - don't cross or you'll take somebody out, line. Poor Tilghman has to tell me which line I'm supposed to start and stop at EVERY TIME. See, I get real hypoxic and turn into a total 'tard at the track. It's quite a scene.

Besides the weird ass UNEVEN workouts, had a great bike ride on Tuesday nite downtown. Nite riding is not for the faint of heart and you must be properly equipped but it really is fun. Yes, you can see perfectly fine in the dark if you have a proper lite. One scare, a deer that was less than 10ft away from me. Scared the bejebus right out of me. Got in some good swimming and a couple early morning runs. Early morning runs are fun because you get to see the world waking up or going to work or coming home. It's just different. It still creeps me out every time I see someone at the do-it-yourself car wash at 5am in the dark. What is in there? Is there a body in there? Why are you vacuuming NOW? It's dark and you can't see? CREEPY! Can I just say thank gawd for all the people that do all the service jobs around town - emptying the trash at local businesses, making the biscuits, delivering the papers, all that stuff. There's really so much going on when everyone else is sleeping. I did see a black lite on in my neighbors garage at 5am. Bet they were still up and it was still nite not morning. I also saw a hookah in there the other day. Mmmm, curious.

Oh, and yes, all my crap around the house is even, level and it matches. I have no creativity. Yes, even numbers for the workouts PLEASE. It makes me all edgy, can you tell?

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

I'm exhausted!

Wow, what a weekend! A nice, long weekend that is slowly coming to an end. I just topped it off with super greasy delicious pizza and two pints of New Castle. Not much better way to end a great weekend, I say.

How do you meet new friends? You invite them on a metric century ride, of course. Long story short, a person that I've never met before (we have a mutual friend) asked me to go ride with them, for 61ish miles, and at least 1 1/2 hours in the car together. Seemed like a brilliant idea to me, so, I said yes. They picked me up at 6am and we were off. What if we really don't get along? What if we don't have anything to talk about? What if....the other person sucks? What if they're not down with me cussing (we just can't be friends)? I am happy to say, I think we ended the ride and our time as friends.

Lee is the kind of person or riding partner that just says - I'll do whatever kind of ride you need to do today since YOU'RE training and I'm not. Perfect. I said - it needs to be 18+ mph and I'll be fine with that (this being my longest ride since ironman in Nov 2008). Great, she says. Her lovely husband was also with us but was happy to do 'his' thing...he's not an 18+ kind of guy, he's a 22+ kind of guy. We all started out and parted ways as the ride took off.

Shocker - we talked, and talked, and talked - everything from children to cycling to those daYum dogs we love so much. I think we covered most everything, I swear. I even got to the point in the ride (as I do with all good friends) where I would ask complex questions to keep her talking. I was 'done' with the ride at ~50ish but I have to keep on. I didn't want to have to speak any more so I just keep on asking questions. I did tell her this, in the end. I was over it but I just needed you to keep talking to me. Yep, the kind of person that can keep you moving forward. Love that.

What I found out - she and hubs raced bikes for the last few years. Yeah, the little ride we did at ~19mph was a freakin walk in the park. While I know she was the one doing ME the favor (by going slow), she didn't lead on at any point, try to push or pull away. It might have been the most perfect 'first date.' I know the crazy cycling biatch can teach me a thing or two, that's fo sho. I think we'll keep her!

What do you do to back up your long ride - intervals the next day - on the bike. Holy hell, my legs were cooked but 'coach' Ryan was drafting ass be hind me keeping time, keeping me in check with form. My muscles hurt in all new places. Who knew there was an important muscle on the lower part of your shin/close to your ankle? Apparently, there's a muscle I have never used before. Holy jebus, that's sore.

And there it is, lots of riding with some running in between and a skipped swim...sheeeit! I can't be perfect all the time, just most of the time. Does trimming my shrubs - and by shrubs, I mean the shrubs growing outside my house, not in my drawers - count for a workout? I think I sweated out all the beer. I'm counting it!

Friday Mind Dump

• Running three days in a row is NOT good for me - that's why I tri for crying out loud.
• Sometimes you just have to be flexible in your 'schedule.'
  
• All my runs for the week are done, bonus.
• Two were great and one sucked it!
• Red Velvet cupcakes with heaping mounds of cream cheese frosting are NOT good pre-run fuel...for your long run.
• I oscillated between feeling like I was going to puke or shit myself.
• I made it home safely, thank GAWD.
• It was very slow, blech.
  
• I know why I don't like sugary things. Wreck my guts.
  
• It took WAY too long.
• One swim in, arms sore, I'm NO kinda sprinter.
• Wednesday's are sprint days.
• Going to swim right now....
• I hate 4:15am.
• I like getting my workouts done.
  
• One bike in, two to go, long and quality.
• I hope the weekend is nice for riding because trainers can suck it.
• I signed up for a huge, local group ride.
• I haven't done one in a gazillion years.
• I'm afraid that I have forgotten why I don't do these...
  
• I'm excited for Beach2Battleship.
• I hate that all my friends are done with their seasons.
• Why do I always pick a late season race?
  

Randomness...

• When did fat become a handicap?
• Why do I have to pay extra health care premiums because you smoke and eat too much?
• How do people STILL smoke?
  
• Have you ever known anyone successful that wears a flat billed cap OR a hat on sideways...except for some rapper or rap producer? You look like you're from the local foundation and it's your special day.
• Why is it OK to wear a shirt or top with your bra strap hanging out? I don't give a shit what color it is.
• Why do women carry HUGE purses to a football game? Money, license, chapstick, done. It's not really that hard. No amount of shit in that purse is going to make you cute, honey, so you might as well travel light and not hold up the line for ME.
  
• It's Friday. Time to parrrrty, yeah, clean a bike and in bed by 9:00pm, oh yeah, I can feel it coming on right now.
  

Ironman Louisville 2009! - Race Report?

I don't know that it's a race report as much as a spectating report but here it goes. If you're going to cheer for someone you love, be sure to take notes. While we have come close to cheering perfection, there's always room for improvement. Like any race day, it started early - alarm at 4am, coffee, costume, posters and roll. Now, I was staying in a 'young' part of town so when I was going to my car, there were still quite a few people out and about. I was smart enough to cover up my outfit with a jacket and leave my wig off ... for now. I had visions of getting picked up for solicitation in my cheering get up. As planned, a handful of us made it to the swim exit ~5-5:30. We weren't the first one's either. There were others with their camp chairs and reading lites all set up. We staked out our territory, posted a few signs - "Nashville has Ironballs" - we got 'the voice of ironman' to say it on the PA for all to hear, it was a proud moment, another sign was - YOU'RE WELCOME, LOVE, Mother Nature (it was a PERFECT day) and our Excel Aquatics banners.

With bloody mary's and beers in hand, the pros and super fast amateurs staring coming out of the water. Let me just say one thing about the Ohio River, that I did NOT swim in, it was disgusting. People were coming out with muck and sludge all over them. We saw all our peoples come out without issue. I was feeling for the one's that would hit the steps and fall over, the guy who almost did a face plant onto the cement and the guy who took close to two hours to swim but felt compelled to haul ass out of the water. I would just take a minute to get my legs under me before I try to start 'shaving some time', but I digress. As soon as we had an inventory on everyone, we rolled out to the bike course.
You can not delay when you have to drive ~30 minutes to get to the almost perfect spectating spot. Our spot was a two loop locale where we got to see everyone - except the pros and superfast (like Ryan) - we only got to see them once. Banners hung and we started YELLING, cowbells, voices, flashing, mooning, whatever it takes to make YOUR day, that was OUR job. I think we succeeded, my voice still tells me that we did.

The run is great because you have a better chance of spotting people. It is also great because you look at people and are totally perplexed by how they got there and how fast they are or are not. The woman who seems too large to move that fast, the blind guy tethered to his handler (the handler does not get a number, by the way, strictly a volunteer), the older woman doing a walk shuffle thing and is moving faster than some other 'runners.' All the while, these people are passing more 'fit' or, rather, people who just didn't pace themselves correctly and/or having GI issues. While the pros are fun to watch because they're so stinkin fast, it's the everyday peeps that are really fun...especially at the finish line from about 11-midnight. The crowd just goes wild.

If there's ever an im race in your town, GO, you won't be disappointed. If you think you want to do one, GO, watch, spectate, volunteer. I promise that it will deliver.

Shout out to Ryan KONAIRONMAN at Caught on the Run for his superfast race that is getting him to the World Championships, to Amanda, James and Kelli for their first IM's and all the Nashville EXCEL peeps that killed it out there on Sunday. It really was a perfect day. Congratulations to all of you! I hope you heard us out there because I'm still paying for it! Sheesh...

Yep, been getting my shiz in as well. A hilly run that blew my legs up, a fun nite ride that pushed me over the edge, a swim that has my arms reeling (almost couldn't carry Grandma down the steps this morning) and some other runs and stuff too. Good times.

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday